confidence

Women like you don’t happen often.

Never forget how rare you are.

What gets your confidence fired up?
What extinguishes those flames?

A little birdie once told me that it’s what’s on the inside that makes you beautiful on the outside. Confidence is not just skin deep; it comes from deep within your soul. When someone knocks your confidence, do you feel a horrible knot in your tummy? Like someone has taken the wind out of your sails. No item of clothing, shiny new gadget or stunning new lipstick will change that feeling. Yet we use these external, material things to try to boost our confidence.

We can all spend money, that we may or may not have, trying to perfect ourselves, wearing the right makeup, owning the newest trends, a new bag or a fresh blow-dry every other day. Now, I know we’re all in another lockdown and can only dream of stepping foot into a bar or restaurant, sit and laugh with friends and family again, mix with work colleagues and have hilarious conversations about the most menial things. These all seem like distant, fond memories as we scroll through yet another loungewear section online and click ‘Purchase’ on yet more active wear that won’t ever see the inside of a gym!

But, take some of this precious time that we’ve been given to reflect. We may never have another period like this again to look inward and to identify where we lack confidence and work out how to remedy it. We can use this time to rebuild; to change the narrative, to create a more confident and productive version of ourselves.

Have you ever walked into a bar or social event with everything you’re wearing fresh off the shop rail that very afternoon? You open your wardrobe and simply have nothing to wear or at least can’t see anything draped on the hangers that are packed cheek-by-jowl that you could possibly be seen in! What stops us from pulling a trusty old-favourite piece off a hanger and owning it, feeling confident that it is enough and that we rock it!

Does this mean that without the new clothes we couldn’t walk into a social situation with confidence? Who are we trying to please?

Don’t get me wrong, I for one am no angel when it comes to buying some new threads for any occasion; Monday, for example. My sister can vouch for the countless times I’d decide that I simply can’t go to this party or that event unless I absolutely have that new dress or, even better, those new boots!

A last-minute invite for a casual drink with friends at the local pub would result in a full-blown makeover. ‘It’s Day 3 of my hair wash schedule! Hmmm, I know! A quick blow dry will do it’, and before I know it I’m £30 down and on my way to the pub after work. The ‘Just stepped out of a salon’ look to fool friends into believing that I actually did this myself early this morning right before my gym class. Lol.

Once we feel confident on the inside, these new items of clothing, bags, boots or makeup or a fresh blow dry will merely be accessories and you will be the main event.

Not everyone is like this, but, if this resonates with you then ask yourself, is this your Inner Critic making you believe that you are not enough?

Are we dressing for ourselves or others? Do we really need that compliment in order to make us feel good about ourselves? And when it comes, do we accept it graciously with a smile and move on or do we try to rationalise it as it feels awkward that someone would actually compliment us, despite all the effort that we have put into that meeting?

How many times each day do we say ‘Thank you!’? We say it for the most insignificant things numerous times a day. It is one of the easiest phrases that trips off our tongues almost without thought yet, when a friend or colleague or someone dear to us dares to offer a compliment, we suddenly feel as if it is one of the most awkward phrases to respond to and rather than just saying ‘Thank you!’ we belittle the compliment and try to negate the moment.

Not anymore!
Be confident. Smile. Take the compliment. Say ‘Thank you’ and move on. Easy, isn’t it?

I’m guilty of this. It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to accept compliments without saying something in return to try and make the other person feel good too. This isn’t a zero-sum game.

Think of it the other way around. If a friend or colleague said, ‘Gosh, you look tired today.’ would you feel the need to justify it or do you have the inner confidence to just acknowledge that you really may be tired and that’s why you may look tired?

There is no right or wrong way we should answer but, if you lack in confidence, you may take things the wrong way or muse on them later.

Confidence comes from the inside. You are beautiful, you can look tired if you were up all night watching your favourite Netflix box-set. Your beloved 6-year-old jeans are awesome and make your bum does look great in them!

So, next time you enter a room or a meeting or a dinner or a bar, what will enter first, your mental confidence or your physical confidence?
Smile, you are enough and you are truly fabulous!
We are all in the same boat. We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails.
So, whether your confidence is lit up or your fanning flames - You’re a total smoke show. ☺

Some tips:

• Believe in your ability to improve.

• Stop comparing yourself to others. Research has shown that people who compare themselves to others experience envy. And the more envy they experience the worse they feel about themselves. It’s a vicious cycle.

• Pay attention to times when you compare wealth, possessions, skills, achievements and attributes. Thinking other people have more will erode your self-confidence.
  
  * Take care of your body. Fuel it with the right foods. You will feel stronger, healthier and better about yourself.

• Exercise: Physical activity will give you energy which in turn will boost your mental health and will help boost your confidence.

• Meditation: This enriches your mind and nurtures confidence. It teaches you to stop negative self-talk.

• Sleep: Don’t skimp on sleep. It is one of the most important parts of our life and without it nothings operates properly. Lack of sleep will stifle our self-esteem. Good quality sleep has been linked with positive personality traits such as optimism.
  
  A final note:
  
  Use this time to clear out your wardrobe, both physically and emotionally.
  Keep what makes you feel good and pile up the rest for a good clear out.
  
  Georgie x